Photo of the Week

Paris-Update-view-from-louvre

Left to right: Eiffel Tower, Louvre Pyramid, Arc de Triomphe du Carrousel and Ferris Wheel. © Paris Update

 

Paris Update This Week’s Events

For full details about an event, click on the title to visit the official Web site (in English when available).

Drawing through the ages

Paris-Update-Matisse-les-pommes
"Apples" (1944), by Henri Matisse. Eric Coatalem Gallery.

> Salon du Dessin: 39 galleries showing works on paper, from Old Masters to contemporary. Palais Brogniart, Paris, March 22-27.

Contemporary drawing fair
> Drawing Now: 73 galleries, Carreau du Temple, Paris, March 23-26.

More contemporary drawings
>Ddessin: 20 galleries. Atelier Richelieu, Paris, March 24-26.

Art and design fair
> PAD (Paris Art + Design),
67 galleries, Tuileries Garden, Paris, March 22-26.

African culture festival
> The 100% Afriques festival showcases dance, theater, music, fashion, design, art, food and more from all over the continent. La Villette, Paris, March 23-May 28.

French film with English subtitles
> Lost in Frenchlation shows Audrey Dana's Si j'Étais un Homme, preceded by a themed cocktail party (€4.50). Studio 28, Paris, Feb. 24.

Documentary film festival
> Cinéma du Réel showcases documentaries from around the world. Various venues, Paris, March 24-April 2.

Suburban blues
> The Banlieues Bleues festival brings major French and international jazz acts to the Paris suburbs. Various venues, through March 31.

Before and after ecological disaster
> The Chic Planète festival presents two types of films, those celebrating the bounty of the earth and science-fiction views of what will happen after an ecopalypse. Forum des Images, Paris, through April 13.

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Helping Others Help Me

paris courtyard

A few minor changes are in order around here... Photo: Cam Eric Schiefer

In keeping with my own, mostly sober, December 31st pledge to be more helpful to the people around me, I propose the following (strongly) suggested New Year’s resolutions for my neighbors ...

paris courtyard

A few minor changes are in order around here... Photo: Cam Eric Schiefer

In keeping with my own, mostly sober, December 31st pledge to be more helpful to the people around me, I propose the following (strongly) suggested New Year’s resolutions for my neighbors.

• First floor left:

Starting in 2011, I will reschedule my daily torrent of ear-piercing verbal spousal abuse for after 8am.

• First floor right:

Now that I have lived in the building for seven years and seen everyone else who lives in it an estimated one thousand times, I will respond to “bonjour” with a similar greeting instead of an aggressive, suspicious stare.

• Second floor left:

If one of my 12 cats dies, I will not get three more to make up for the loss.

• Second floor right:

I will finally come to the realization that the incredible amount of time I must spend meticulously shaving so that the only hair on my face is a long bristly graying goatee sprouting not from my chin but from under my lower jaw does not make me look like a cool jazz musician – it makes me look like a goat (hence the name), which is the reason so many people have trouble keeping a straight face when talking to me and in all likelihood the main reason I am still single.

• Third floor left:

When it’s time to walk my dog, I will go all the way downstairs, all the way to the door, pull the door open and take him outside, just like every other dog owner in the history of mankind. Yes, even if it is cold or raining or whatever. And by the way, “outside” means more than one goddamn foot away from the threshold.

• Third floor right:

In any given coop meeting, I will limit myself to a maximum of three futile, time-wasting questions intended to show off my erudition and grasp of philosophical concepts. Also, I will ask each question only once, without repeating it slightly rephrased three more times. Or at least no more than twice, for the love of God.

• Fourth floor middle:

I will figure out a way to walk up and down stairs without making enough noise to loosen my neighbors’ wall fixtures, ceiling beams and corneal transplants. If I truly experience a deep-felt need to use my apparent ability to raise my feet high above my head and bring them crashing down with the force of a karate blow, I will join a marching band and replace the bass drum.

• Fourth floor, end of hall:

This year I will overcome my pathological compulsion to whistle, or, failing that, learn at least one actual tune.

• Fifth floor (as yet unidentified apartment):

When I cook horse rectum stew, or whatever the hell it is I make a big steaming batch of every Sunday, I will open my windows and keep my door tightly shut to prevent the entire building from smelling like Fart Contest Day at the fertilizer factory.

• Across the street, top floor:

I will stop using my balcony as a walk-in closet-cum-junkyard.

• Across the street, fourth floor left:

I will accept the fact that pigeons are disgusting, guano-gushing, vomit-pecking vermin, not cute “doves,” and stop dumping bread on my windowsill for them.

• Across the street, third floor left:

I will get curtains.

• Across the street, third floor right:

I will get rid of my curtains.

• And lastly, for myself:

I resolve to stop wasting so much time and mental energy on hopeless wishful thinking. Starting in 2012.

David Jaggard

Reader Joanne Caris writes: "Re: 'Across the street, top floor: I will stop using my balcony as a walk-in closet-cum-junkyard': What is it that makes people do this? I have the same problem. Are they just too lazy to haul it down the stairs and leave it on the pavement along with the other old, soiled mattresses, lounge couch, computer monitors, etc. The mind boggles! ;-)."

Reader Brenda Dionne writes: "After reading all your comments, mine would go like this: I will try to imitate the 'perfect' neighbor. Big shoes to fill, no doubt."

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